The self

I really identifed with the portion of our discussion about "Self" from Tuesday's class. My concept of self as a 23 year old is very different than my concept of self at age 50. There were a lot of subtle and not so subtle pressures on a single person about marriage when I was young. There were a lot of old maid jokes from the uncles and suggestions of where to meet single men from the aunts. It was as if you were not a complete person, if you were not married, and that you were just killing time with a "career" until you found the right person. In looking back at my first marriage at 23, I can see where his family pushed him to marry me, because of their liking me. If I am honest, I was in love with the idea of love and I married him because he had asked me. I was naive enough to believe that no one would ask you to marry them unless they loved you and wanted to spend their whole life with you. I was wrong on both counts.

We divorced when I was 28 and I stayed single until I was 47. I admit that there were times that I was very lonely, there were time I dated men that were not good for me, and there were times that I learned very expensive lessons about my judgement in people in general, but I can honestly say that I finally learned who I was, what boundaries I needed to set, and what it was I wanted out of life. I had honestly come to a point in my life where I was accepting that I might never marry again, and I was okay with that. My advice to all of you that are single to make sure you know who you are before you try to take on a partner. Compromise is an important skill in a relationship, but you have to know where your limits are. As a therapist I will have to learn how to help people find themselves and their boundaries. Taking a good look at ourselves can be the hardest thing we will ever do.

Fear of marriage aspect

In chapter 4, I thought the section about "fear of marriage" was really interesting.  I had never really put much thought into the fact that some people might be single because they had a literal fear of actually being married.  I talked to my roommate about this topic.  We come from vary different families.  Our parents are both still married, but my parents are very happy and her parents are not.  Her dad cheated on her mom 15 years into their marriage, and they worked things out, but her mom doesn't love her dad anymore.  They are together out of friendship and the love for their children.  My roommate isn't afraid of the marriage aspect. She can't wait to get married and have a family, but she's so afraid of divorce and infidelity. She has never thought as being single as a bad thing. In fact, she thinks its pretty safe.  She doesn't want to be single forever, but she doesn't really mind being single in the patches where there's just not a special guy in the picture.  Me, on the other hand, i hate being single.  I avoid it at all costs.  I love having a guy in my life. I'm just searching for the right one.  Maybe now that I have read this chapter, I wont think as negatively about being single.  I'll be a bit more relaxed and carefree :)

Being Single

I thought Tuesday's class discussion/lecture was really interesting. Single life is the one thing i hear most talked about among my friends so it was interesting for me because the majority of the things we talked about in class is the way my friends talk. They think that they are doing something wrong or that something isn't right with them and that's why they're single. When i was single i was guilty of the same thing, i wasn't looking for the opportunity. I was definitely an involuntary single person. And talking about the voluntary and involuntary single person made me think about the way i used to be and how i thought of myself and the reason i was so blah about relationships is because i was being so touchy about it. But it helped me realize that you have to be creating opportunities to meet people instead of waiting for them to meet you.

This will help me in everyday life because now i have the information to help my friends who are doing the same thing that i was doing. I can now give them dating advice and not be the person who gives them terrible dating advice! 

Love Yourself First

There were many times during Tuesday's lecture that I wanted to jump up and say, "Yes! That's exactly right!" I totally agree that it is important to be happy with who you are before getting into a relationship. I'm sure most of us had heard this idea before in some form or another. For many of us girls it was probably phrased as "you don't need a man to make you happy." I wish there was a way to teach this to people, but most of us don't figure it out until we've been hurt by bad experiences.
I think that it is unfortunate that this concept is so hard to grasp. It would save a lot of people from psychological pain if they spent more time improving themselves instead of trying to find someone to fix them. I can't say that I've completely mastered this process, but it has helped me to understand a lot about my personal relationships. The last person I dated was rebounding from a difficult rejection, and they wanted to find someone to make them feel whole again. I'm sure all of us can guess how that turned out. If you don't like yourself it's going to be hard to like anyone else or to let them like you.
One other reason that I was so interested by this idea is because of Zora Neale Hurston's novel Their Eyes Were Watching God. I never would have thought that African American Literature would relate to Family Science until we had this lecture. For those who haven't read the book, the main character Janie is a stereotypical romantic. She spends her life looking for a man to complete her, and she ends up in two unsatisfying marriages before finding someone she's happy with. Our teacher's favorite theme to talk about was how Janie had to love herself before she could really love anyone else. Apparently Hurston really knew what it takes to make a relationship work.

~Michelle

Blog 5- homeostasis in relationships 2/26/09

Hey,
One of the most important things we covered on Tuesday in my opinion was homeostasis in relationships. It makes so much sense that changing how you see yourself and treat yourself would be difficult in a serious relationship. However, I don’t think this is something that usually crosses people’s minds. If someone in a relationship is trying to change the relationship by changing his/her self image, the other partner may be threatened by this change. I’ve seen this happen before and the stress eventually broke the couple apart. However, I think that it was best for the girl who instigated the change. She now has a better sense of self worth and higher self esteem. I think she is now readier to enter a relationship because she has found (and is happy with) who she is. That aspect is vital.
-Ashley

The Real World.

Today is Wednesday and that means Real World on MTV. Yes, I know the show is like 20 years old and is very overrated but my roommates and i have really bonded over watching other roommates make living hell for each other. Tonight was a very important episode that we've all been anticipated for some time. The commercials for the episode include someone breaking a glass coffee table and someone ripping a phone out of the wall in anger. Needless to say it was going to be tense.

Well, I wouldn't even of thought of Family Science during the show if J.D. (one of the roommates) didn't mention how he thought they were a "family." So with family science in mind, I was able to see the structure as well as the function of this so called family. It is clear each person in the house is a strong individual with a even stronger personality. The Function works according to their own self philosophies, which gets them by for awhile until a conflict arises.

The boys in the 'family' notice that they are doing all the work and the girls seem to think everything will magically get clean if they let it sit long enough. The also seem to be very disrespectful to the boys by leaving hair in the sink, not filling the car up with gas and basically not picking up after themselves.

The boys first try to calmly approach them and ask them nicely to do what seems like normal daily chores. The Girls at first challenge the boys by accusing them of trying to control their lives but eventually agree in order to make the boys go away. This happens a few more times until one of the boys decides to give the girls a taste of their own medicine. When the girls try to leave the house they can't find the correct key for the car. Turns out the boys hid the key in an attempt to make them clean up. This does not work and only makes the situation worse.

Finally the boys realize that all they do is fight with the girls about respecting them. They see that the context changes but the function of the process of confronting the girls is always the same.

To change the function the boys decided to stop respecting the girls (only in nonviolent ways such as yelling and breaking things) although all the girls thought it was really unnecessary (which it was) it caught their attention. They felt as if the boys are really overacting and the request they have are simple. By the end of the episode tension in the house is lifted and the girls begin taking out the trash and washing their own dishes.

I find it so interesting that I can find family science and its theory on tv constantly. I was really interesting to see the type of family that is not bloodrelated. Your thoughts?

Single Life!

I would have to agree with the person who wrote about their mom and how women should make themselves happy before finding a guy. I think that if you are not happy with your life and the person you are becoming, you need that time to find why that it is and work on it before getting into another relationship back to back. I think that if you do get into a relationships back to back that you never really get over on how things ended with your previous relationship and then that takes a toll in the relationship that you currently just started. I would say I am an example of that because when i was younger like in high school i would get out of a relationship and then i would be dating someone else within the next week or so, usually they were my friends before hand and they just had a crush on me, and i always give people a chance so that is probably why i did that. But it really does effect you after a while because you always do have questions about what went wrong with the pervious relationships, you dont have that time to learn and grow from it. I can say now that i have completley changed that.

Family stability and finances has not been a big concern in my growing up. My parents have been married longer than I have been here and still are together. They also have well paying jobs, both in the medical field. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like it y parents were divorced or did not make a steady income. This could be tough on oneself. I think it would be even harder if the parents lived far away from each other. I am happy and When I would ask a question, I would get a brief answer or just would be handed money and told to go. My life have been difficult, but I would not change anything at all

Single Life

After my mom and my dad spilt when i was 3, my mom never tried to get any other guys. She has always said that she doesn't have time for someone, and would rather be doing things for herself, and for her kids then have to satisfy a guy. My mom is a very stronge person, and i think this is a good example of what women should do. No one always needs a man there to be happy. I agree that it is a choice for most people. Some girls can't be single for very long. I think that they do that because there scared to be alone, and doesn't want to be alone for the rest of their lives. I think that girls need to do things for themselves, and not live their lives trying to make a man happy. Its always good to have someone you love there for you, but you don't always need a man there. Girls need to be happy with themselves, before they can be happy with a man.

Siblings!

Hey everyone!! I wanted to talk about sibling relationships.  I know a lot of people have touched on this topic, but I think its a great one.  Its amazing how sibling relationships differ throughout the years. I am the oldest of 2 in my family. My little brother is 16 so we are only 2 years apart. Growing up so close in age, we have always been best friends.  Not only do we have a great time together, but his friends and my friends and my friends are his friends.  My mom grew up in a family of 5 brothers and sisters.  She is 45 and she has a 62 year old sister(Brenda), a 59 year old sister(Lee Ann), a 55 year old sister(Roxy), and a 42 year old brother(Wendell).  Growing up she was very close to all of her siblings.  As time went on and she married my dad, the family began to grow apart. My mom remained close to her oldest sister, but the other family members only come around when it is convenient for them. I know that it kills my mom and my dad is an only child so he can't relate!  I'm just hoping that my brother and I stay close through the years!  

Genogram and Test

This week was a lot of application to the theories we have learned in class. Studying for this test is a lot different than my other classes. I hope I am doing it correctly. I am looking more at the concepts than the terms and applying them to life situations. In doing this, I feel I relate most to the Attachment Theory. In my genogram I discovered some major dysfunction on my mothers side of the family. She did not have a healthly relationship with her parents where she felt nurtured. The result of this was her and all her brothers and sister experiencing difficulties with relationships including multiple marriages and divorces. On my Dad's side where their was healthy attachment to both parents he is the only one that has been divorced. It shows a pattern that fits well with this theory.

Genogram and Test.

Beautiful

I was sick this past Tuesday, so I can't reflect on that lecture at all. However, I really felt strongly about a lot of the things that we discussed last Thursday. In one of my classes last semester we talked about the book called "Reviving Ophelia" by Mary Pipher. She is a psychologist who has done a great deal of research on the effects that media images can have on young women. An unfortunate fact that she pointed out was that the majority of the praise that girls get is because of their looks and not for something they have accomplished. For example, most girls are told they are pretty or have a great body instead of being told they are smart or talented.
I may just be an emotional person, but it literally makes me cry when I realize how many youong girls think that the only valuable thing about them is their body. I also know a little about what it's like to feel this way. I have always been extremely thin, and people frequently comment on this fact. There were times as a child when I was told I was too "scrawny", but most of the comments were envious or praising. I was even told by a family member that they hoped I always stayed thin, unlike another person in my family. I have gotten to the point where I feel like being thin is the best thing about me. It's what I'm good at naturally, and it defines who I am. This doesn't mean that I don't have other goals that I'm proud of, but I worry how I will feel if someday I lose my figure as my defining factor. I know it's petty, but it's the reality that many girls and women have to live with.
After seeing the Dove Make Over commercial, it gives me a little hope that our society is shifting to a more realistic view of women. I pray that if I ever have daughters of my own they will grow up appreciating more than just their physical appearances. No one gets to be young and thin and flawless forever, because age sort of levels out that playing field. I just wish that people would learn to value the more important and more permanent aspects of others that define who they are.

-Michelle

Still hyped

I am still hyped up about what my sleuthing for our genogram turned up. I knew my dad's grandfather was fairly distant in his relationships with his children when they were little, although they did get better when they got older, and I was able to find out why. Evidently when he was 10 years old, his mother gave birth to twin girls. Given a choice, she preferred to be out in the fields with her farmer husband and she gave the job of looking after the twins to my grandfather when he was not in school. The twins were "spoiled rotten" according to him (relayed to me by my aunt). Instead of going to their parents, they ran to him to dump their troubles in his lap, asking him to settle their differences, etc. This continued throughout his life (talk about mixed up family roles). When he was going to marry my grandmother, who was several years younger than him, he told her that he had done his time taking care of little ones. It was to be her job, not his. In his opinion children should be seen and not heard.

I was not there for 2/17, but from my personal experience (being a 50 year old), I am not surprised to find that the mid life crisis is bunk. I have found that roughly every 5 years I go through what I call a reflection period. I look back, I look at the now, and then I look forward. Life is a process. Inside I still feel like that girl that went off to business school when I was still 17, but the mirror tells me differently. My life certainly has had some interesting twists and turns, but I think the old saying holds true- "the best is yet to be." I think that my being older when I get through grad school will acctually be of benefit to me. Experience is a great teacher. Good luck on the test everyone.

Siblings...

Although I found the lecture on mid-life very interesting, I want to reflect on the lecture before that. I found the formation of gender roles and power very interesting. In my family, we definitely have egalitarian power but very defined gender roles. My dad is seen as the bread winner, the guy who works hard all day and then comes home to dinner that's waiting for him. On the other hand, my step-mom keeps the house tidy and has that dinner waiting for my dad at home. In all appearances, they are very traditional, possibly even sexist. The funny part is that my step-mom bring more money into the household through her job than my father does. We simply overlook this fact and continue on. That has translated to the kids as well. I had to do the housework with my step-mom while my brothers worked outdoors with my father. It didn't matter that I got better grades than my brothers. I still had to clean the bathrooms and help make dinner. All the while, no one really minded (even though I hated cleaning toilets!). We all knew that we had equal power to our counterparts in the family, despite our very defined gender roles. It made us a very cohesive family for the time being, while we all still lived together. We appreciated what the others did and we were comfortable in our roles. It was interesting to learn about the difference between the power and the roles and that one does not mean the other. My family's trouble came when our homeostasis got all out of balance... but that's another story.

Sibling Relationships

In the last review lecture, it was brought, up near the end of class, on how sibling relationships tend to throughout the life cycle. It was said that siblings are the closest early in life during childhood and later in life when it becomes time to take care of their parents. I found, (after completing my genogram), that my family also consistent with this same pattern. My Dad was the eldest of three sons, who were separated by many years in age.

They would fights as most boys do, but otherwise had a normal, close, sibling relationship. As they became older and individuals, they got into many disagreements and them formed tension, hostile relationships between each other.

It wasn't until last year, when my Grandmother, (their mother), was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, that my father and his brothers were forced together for a long period of time. Having to make decisions about my Grandmother, helped them to find common ground and relate to each other.

Even after her death in April, its clear that my father and his brothers still keep in close contact. I would hear conversations about decisions my uncle had made that were bad, but where he also learned a lot. Instead of my father judging them immediately, he seemed genuinely interested. My dad even let me go out to NYC to visit one of my uncles. Before this wouldn't of happened, because my dad didn't use to trust him.

After knowing this hostile relationship for much of my childhood, its really inspiring to see people coming back together. And being able to look past individual differences and support each other simply because we're family.

Blog 4 - Family Life Cycle 2/18/09

Like BCam’s last post, I also got a lot out of the Family Life Cycle lecture. It really made a lot of the things we’ve been learning in class more applicable. For instance, I could see my Mom’s point of view through talking about middle and later life. I bet she enjoys having my sister and me out of the house, yet still close to home. I can definitely see the truth in middle age people becoming closer to their siblings. I know my parents are planning a long vacation to visit all their siblings, and it seems like they talk on the phone and email each other frequently too. I feel like my parents have a strong relationship and good communication – that fits with the midlife facts too. Finally, I can really see homeostasis come into play with my mom resisting change. She seems to be slow to accept that her “baby” is all grown up and is making adult decisions.

2-18-2009

In class on the 17th we talked about mid life and later life and got me thinking to how my parents are and also my fiance's parents. When we started talking about the empty nest and how parents react when their children go off to school or move to a different state i felt that my fiance was a perfect example of that. When he went to K-state right out of high school, his mom called him non stop to see how he was doing and checking on his grades and anything that you could think of, he said that it got so annoying that he just stopped trying in school. Then he moved back home and just worked and his parents seemed fine with that, which i thought was weird considering you want what is best for your child which is an education. Then him and I started dating and then he moved here from Kansas and started going back to school again and then his mom started doing it all over again. She is getting a little bit better with it now, I just think that it hurts her that her son is not close to her anywhere and now he is 3 hours away. But I am hoping that the exam is not too hard tomorrow and that if you just know the theories and everything that i should be fine. but good luck to everyone! Study hard!

Family Life Cycle

Today's class on family life cycles was really interesting. Talking about mid-life and later-life really made me think about how my parents act or how they may act when they are older. When we were discussing the empty nest it reminded me of my boyfriends family. He is the youngest to move out and as soon as he moved out two of his high school cousins needed a place to stay so they moved into their house. talking to his parents they explained to me how they were so happy to have an empty nest and now they have to take care of children again. Not that they aren't happy to do it, but they just don't want the freedom of not having any children in the house anymore to be taken away from them. That is when the class got really interesting for me because i had made a huge connection with what we were talking about. Another thing that really surprised me is that mid-life crisis doesn't really exist! i guess it's slightly childish and media-influenced of me to think that a mid-life crisis was true, but i thought that was really interesting. The way the class was taught today really helped me review for the test thursday. it was a really good way to apply what we had learned into situations. i enjoyed it!

Happy studying and good luck thursday!!

BCam

Family History

I also believe that family history is a very important role in everyones lives. I wouldn't be who I am today without everyone in my family. The home that i grew up in was only me my sister and my mom. So my mom did everything in our home. She was working from 6 in the morning to 6 at night to support us. After my sister went into middle school, my mom decided to open a 24 hour home daycare so she would be home with us, and she would be able to support us. When my mom was growing up, her mother had 3 jobs and was never home, so her and her siblings had to take care of themselves. My mom didn't want that for us, she wanted to always be there for us.

Family History continued!

Hey! Earlier in the postings someone mentioned family history and I wanted to expand on this.  I think family history is a great part of how people become who they are, what their personality, religion, morals, and personal views will be like.  I grew up in a very loving household with a 50's style family.  I have younger parents that live a sort of "Leave it to  Beaver" life and run the house that way.  My mother is a sort of "Bree Vandekamp" without the emotional issues.  She runs the house.  She's the perfect housewife. My father is the stereotypical business man.  He goes to work in a suit and tie everyday.  When  he walks in the door in the evening, my mother's in the kitchen in her apron making dinner and my father will say the classic..."Honey, I'm home".  My brother and will be helping set the table and we will have dinner together as a family.  This is an everyday thing at my house. My parents are this way, because their parents were that way.  The man was the provider and the woman ran the house.  I believe my family will be that way as well.  I don't believe that having 2 working parents is a bad thing at all....but my mom loved being a homemaker and I loved having her always around at home and at school. I want to be there for my kids like she was there for me.  Its amazing how familes tend to repeat through generations! 

Growing up in my family I came across many different cultures. My mother is Caucasian with German decent and my father is half Italian and African. I look in between then two of them, but lighter skinned. After watching the video in class, I thought that I have experienced some of the things the 9 went through. No one group would consider me with them since I am of mixed race. To them since I am half one they would automatically consider me full that and vis versa. I do not take racial comments to heart and have learned to live with them. Some of my friends now use them all them time and I know they mean not to offend anyone. When I most experience racial threat was when I was stationed in Biloxi, Mississippi with the Navy. There where some parts of town where we would have to be careful about going to and also restaurants where the same. This was the first time I had been kicked out of a bar, since it was me and other guys of color. I thought to myself that maybe times have not changed in the south. Some people are raised that way and it is not their fault for the way they think.

Family History

I just wanted to discuss the idea of family culture. As I looked back on my own family, I realized that things that happened in the past definitely did have an impact on my family. The way that my father was raised made him not want to become the type of father that he had. His father, had joined the army to escape his father, whom he also did not want to become like. Now, my little brother seems to have this hatred for our father. It is interesting to see that relationship and to also realize that it isn't as uncommon as I had thought. Family histories will always have an impact on the individual, even if they don't know about it. It is our culture, our history. Who knew that we actually did have it? I'll keep that in mind from now on.

Assumptions

I love when lectures from two of my classes coincide because then I can apply what I have already learned from one class to the other. I'm currently taking a multicultural education class, and Tuesday's discussion covered a lot of issues that I'm learning about in MCE. The thing that stood out to me the most was that culture, like structure, is influential but not determining. In MCE we are also constantly reminded that race does not equal culture. Important details about a person and their family can be lost when we start to generalize.
For MCE all students are required to tutor an ethnically diverse student for nine hours during the semester. The student that I am working with is a fifth grade girl from a Mexican family. I work with her in her home so I am able to get the full experience of what her family's culture is like. I suppose I had a few preconceived notions about what her family would be like, but I don't think that I was too stereotypical. One incident that made me rethink my previous beliefs was when a boy from the neighborhood came over to see if the kids wanted to play outside. I looked out the door and for a split second I realized that I was surprised by the fact that the boy was white. I was almost embarrassed by the subconscious fact that I thought the kids would mostly interact with other Mexican families. I also figured that the girl I was working with might need extra help with reading or writing, but I was definitely wrong in that assumption. For the most part, the family is no different than most of the families I've been around. Like Dr. Hollist said, it would be terribly ignorant to assume that all Mexican families like pinatas. Individual families within cultures are going to have their own unique characteristics, and these are the things people need to be aware of.
I'm sure that their are characteristics of my student's family that are different from what I'm used to, but I would never be able to find out what they are really like unless I'm willing to ask. By assuming that all people of a certain ethnicity are the same, we forget that there is more than meets the eye. Being open to exploring people as individuals is a trait that I hope I will remember to use in all parts of my life. It will help me to get to know the people I am working with so that I can figure out the best way to help them.

Michelle

Blog for Feb. 10

Class on Tuesday was really interesting when talked about diversity. I think my favorite part about class that day was watching that short video on the Little Rock Nine and the discussion we had on the parents. Those parents who sent their kids to school, even though they were receiving death threats, were so courageous. Personally i would have the most difficult time sending my child to a school where they are not accepted and people are treating them like dogs. I would be so stressed out. That's how I imagine those parents were. Stressed out, and having a hard time doing other activities that they would  normally do every day. Hats off to those guys! Another part of Tuesday's discussion that i enjoyed was talking about was the independence and interdependence and how in psychology courses students are told that in Asia they are one way and in Europe they are another. But in actuality it really isn't that way at all. I found that so interesting and i think this was the part of the lecture that is going to help me the most; especially when I'm interviewing my family. This will help me go into the interview with a more open mind.

BCam

Blog 3 - Genograms 2/11/09

I think the assignment on Genograms will be interesting, but I think I will have to get creative with mine. My family is fairly simple with just my mom, dad, sister, and myself. My extended family is not very large either. While there are a few issues to note in my extended family (3 divorces, etc) I don’t think there are enough to make the Genogram look full. I will have to really think outside the box for interesting facts and relationships. I like that we can include people who have made a significant impact in our lives but are not actually related. An example for me would be my boyfriend. Another thing I will bring up is my Dad’s current deployment in Afghanistan. There is obviously no symbol for that but I will write a note about it. I felt a lot better about this assignment when I learned that we can be pretty creative with it when it comes to what information goes into it, and how we present info that does not have a symbol. As with everyone else, I’m interested in getting to know my family better. Good luck everyone.
-Ashley

Wifeswap

Wifeswap has always been a guilty pleasure of mine, but recently due to this class, I've been looking at it from a family perspective. Since families resist change, what type of family would welcome change that brings unwanted stress to the family in order to win some sum of money. Are these families dysfunctional enough to think that money will fix their problems?
Another interesting aspect, however, is that these mothers, even though bias and unwilling to bend, are able to observe what interactions are causing the family the most tension. And usually by the end of the show the members of the family either agree or defend the certain interaction. Sometime the submother will feel so strongly about this certain interact (or lack there of) that she will put a part of the money to address that particular situation.
Each episode ends with both families gaining a little 3rd party persective and realize how they taken their current comfort situations for granted.
Overall, I dont think this show helps this families over a long period of time. Although i do think it helps family understand others and find common ground with individuals they could never see themselves enjoying, let alone learn anything from. If you haven't seen this program it airs just about every afternoon on lifetime or foxfamily. your thought?

Blog for 2-10-2009

I thought that class last thursday was really interesting because I was able to relate to the different topics that we talked about. When we talked about the stress on single parents and how you get depressed or emotional distress, when my biological parents divorced it didnt really affect me at all it was when my biological dad remarried because then everything changed, my sister and I were not his little girls anymore. We also talked about the child parentification and until I moved with my aunt and uncle permantenly (who are now my mom and dad) my biological sister raised me and made sure that I was safe; she was that protector. When we lived with our biological mother she was so into hanging out with her boyfriends or what not and my sister and I had to take care of ourselves. Then when our biological dad remarried we still looked out for eachother. When my sister and I moved with our aunt and uncle at the age of 6 and 7 my sister told me that this is where we were going to live and that we would be safe, a couple of months later my sister missed her dad and went back to live with him while I stayed where i was at. It just shows that your siblings do look out for you and will protect you no matter what. When we talked about this area it kept making me go back to that with my sister.

Genograms

I, too, am looking forward to doing a genogram on my family and that of my husband's. While my family is large, his is small. Unfortunately, it seems that when they have disagreements, they do not talk things out and find a compromise that all can live with. Their relationship are strained and in some cases this manifests itself in alienation and being cut off. This is so sad. Jim (husband/therapist) bought a program to create genograms for his practice several years ago, which he has never used. He wants to try this via the comupter while I try to do it longhand. We will then see how they compare. It has been fun talking to my mother about the family situations. Sometime this week, I have to get ahold of my father's sister and get what I can from her about them. After seeing what one can learn from a genogram, it definitely is a tool I want to become well versed in for use in my practice one day. Good luck everyone. Rhonda F. Brown

Single Parents

Every since I can remember it has always just been me, my sister, and my mom. We were always really close and i didn't care that I didn't live with my dad. I could still see him whenever i wanted. I wouldn't have wanted anything different. My mom has lived her life around me and my sister. She runs a 24 hour daycare by herself so we could have a great life, and do whatever we wanted to do. My mother is great and I love and appriciate everything that she has ever done for us. I think single parents are amazing. Its a stuggle to get by, and to do the best for your children when there isn't anyone there to help you. I'm not saying that when i get older i want to be a single parent. I just think my mom has done a good job, and godbless those who are single parents.

Genogram

I can't wait to do my Genogram assignment. My family is very large especially my moms side. My mom has 9 different brother and sisters and they each have a few kids. This assignment is going to be interesting because I'm going to find out alot more then i even knew about my own family.

Genograms

I am looking forward to creating the genogram, a little nervous about though too at the same time since my family is so confusing and making sure that i am laying it out correctly. I am excited to get to know more information about my family as well with things that i did not know. It is going to be hard creating my biological mothers side because i do not really know them, so it should be interesting.

Blog 2

I am excited to explore the genogram. I come from a very big family. I have 4 brothers and a sister. Everyone is married with children, with the exception of me. It will be interseting to dig deep and discover things the little sister was never supposed to know.

I find myself using this class to look at situations in my life to help explain why things are a certain way. I just had a talk with my mother about the connection lecture because I thought it really applied to her. She was from a big family as well but did not experience much nurturing. In turn her and all of her siblings have had major problems with relationships. When I shared this with her and the study we talked about she seemed very inlightened.

This is a great class, as it is more of a self exploration and discovery process than just learning theories and memorization.

Hey everyone!
So I was looking back through the notes to see what I should blog about and I came across the part about structure vs. function and content vs. process. This was always something that I was aware of, but I never really realized how important it was to distinguish between the differences. My family is very small since I am an only child, so I always assumed that there wasn't a lot to analyze when looking at my family. However, now that I know a little more about the importance of function and process I am realizing that my family is much more interesting than I thought.
Last year I lived on my own for most of the year, but this semester I'm living with my parents again to save money. Our family structure hasn't really changed, but our functions are quite different now. Technically, we are three adults living in the same household. My parents still care for me more than I do for them, but we all share responsibilities. We all take part in household responsibilities and we all treat each other as equals. My parents understand that I am more self-reliant than I was two years ago. Also, my dad is having hip surgery this month so that will most likely change the functions in my family. My mom and I will have to take on more responsibilities as caregivers. Our family has typically been capable of working through obstacles quite effectively so hopefully our successful process methods won't change anytime soon.
This insight has helped me to better understand that families don't have to be traditional to be successful. Just because I family has experienced death, divorce, or opinion differences doesn't mean that they can't have a strong relationship. It is important to look at the 'how' and not just the 'what' when trying to decide what makes a family successful, or what needs to be worked on. I also can't wait to explore more about the interactions between family members when we do our genogram projects!

-Michelle

Genograms

Hey Everyone,

I'm really excited about the Genogram project. I think it's going to fun to diagram our families. I think it'll also help up understand more about our families, and when it comes to interviewing other families, this project will help us understand them better. I'm also excited to get the low down on my family, there could be some things that i don't know about!

BCam

Hey,
The genogram project seems to be a fun one. I expect to find things about my family I did not know before or even thought about. Maybe I will even hear names of people that I have never met in my life before. However, it was strange to me at first when we were going over the project and a few people seemed to have these outrageous families with divorces, affairs, and step families. I come from a strong Catholic background and these situations would not work well in my family setting. I do beleive they have happend and kept a secret, but for the most part I sat back and thought my family is lame and I will have to spice this genogram up a little bit. Well see everyone next week.

Genogram

Hi everybody, I am looking forward to this genogram project. I have been thinking about my immediate and extended families this past week. When you reach beyond the who and look at the relationships and the whys of them, it can make a person dizzy. When my brothers were young, I remember them complaining to mom that Dad did not spead much time with them. He wasn't able to go to their games, etc. My mother told them that dad was doing the best he could. He worked an hour away from our home town as a carpenter and did odd jobs in the evening to keep his family of 8 fed, clothed and sheltered. "When you become a father remember this and do better for your family." The boys did. They made time for their kids, to make sure there is a relationship there. In talking to my grandmother (dad's mom), I found that my dad had actually done better than his father did. Children were to be seen and not heard when my dad was growing up. Every evening when we sat down for dinner, dad was there listening and asking questions. This did not happen at the table he grew up at.

My husband is a therapist and we talked about the role of the genogram in his practice. This tool is an important one. It helps him to make sense of the family dynamics and it can help people better understand the processes that have gone off kilter and how it affects the generations that have followed. Once you can see where change needs to take place, a person can start working on them and making things better. This a good thing for a future therapist to know and understand. Have a great day. Rhonda Brown

American Family Strengths Inventory

In class when we we're given the American Family Strengths Inventory, I found myself putting a G in most of the blanks. However, on the final questions where it asked about the characteristic overall, I found myself giving S's. I know my family is not perfect but I didn't realize that I felt my family had so much to work on, so it got me thinking if a family's strength depends on the the strength of the individuals involved. When I got to each question i thought about two things: myself and how i see my family.

In my family, we are all similar people and are used to our way of thinking. My father is a lawyer and is very bias and stubborn all of the time. This creates constant tension between all members of the family, has continued for some time and as result we all come to expect it. However, we are all very opinionated, good at arguing and extremely independent.

Every time I got to a question on how my family acts or relates, I thought about how i treated them and what i need to do or change. I felt this is why i kept giving G's. However, I would consider my family one that has an emotional connection but never talks about it.

Although I have gone through most of my family without asking or receiving much help from them, yet I feel as if I did need them, they would help regardless of what they really thought. It is my feeling that lame dysfunction in a family can become functional when individuals are strong enough to tolerate differences and conflicts.

blog 2 - Strong Families 2/4/09

Hey,
I like the information we learned on Strong Families in class, it’s so applicable to everyone’s life. I also liked teaching it to someone else, even though it was a little awkward. The characteristics seem so obvious, but they can easily be passed over if your family is not in the practice of using them. Through this lecture and the American Family Strengths Inventory I realized what a strong family I’m blessed to live in. I feel like two of our strongest strengths as a family are our positive communication and spiritual wellbeing. We are a very supportive family and we build each other up with our words and actions. Also, we hold our religious beliefs very close to us and our values bind us together, especially in tough times. My Dad left about 5 months ago for Afghanistan and it has been hard on us. However, these strengths have helped us thrive despite missing each other. In a professional light, I can see how homeostasis (resisting change) would be a big factor in helping families become strong families. I believe having solid research, like what we were presented with, would be important when trying to convince families that the 6 characteristics of strong families will truly help their families.
-Ashley

HI everyone!
I wanted to say that I thought the geneogram that we learned today in class really interesting. I was amazed by how different peoples family are and it is great that families are becoming so diverse. I am hoping this will be a fun assignment and everyone does a good job on their geneogram. Good luck to everyone and have fun with it!