In class when we we're given the American Family Strengths Inventory, I found myself putting a G in most of the blanks. However, on the final questions where it asked about the characteristic overall, I found myself giving S's. I know my family is not perfect but I didn't realize that I felt my family had so much to work on, so it got me thinking if a family's strength depends on the the strength of the individuals involved. When I got to each question i thought about two things: myself and how i see my family.
In my family, we are all similar people and are used to our way of thinking. My father is a lawyer and is very bias and stubborn all of the time. This creates constant tension between all members of the family, has continued for some time and as result we all come to expect it. However, we are all very opinionated, good at arguing and extremely independent.
Every time I got to a question on how my family acts or relates, I thought about how i treated them and what i need to do or change. I felt this is why i kept giving G's. However, I would consider my family one that has an emotional connection but never talks about it.
Although I have gone through most of my family without asking or receiving much help from them, yet I feel as if I did need them, they would help regardless of what they really thought. It is my feeling that lame dysfunction in a family can become functional when individuals are strong enough to tolerate differences and conflicts.
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2 comments:
I meant " have gone most of my Life*" not family
I also found myself marking G's a lot on the chart, for some similar reasons, but for different reasons too. When I was marking the letters on the chart, I found myself thinking of only me, my dad, and my step mom. I was excluding both of my brothers. See, my older brother still lives in California and he has broken off contact with the entire family. Meanwhile, my little brother has been excluded because he can't get along with anyone.
So overall, I marked a lot of S's for the three family members that I DID consider, but it felt wrong since I was excluding two members. I got confused and didn't know how to proceed.
I think this made me realize that my family is fractured, but then, it always has been. With the members that have given the most, I have forged a really strong bond with. But there have always been members who don't have any of the elements for a strong family down.
This realization made me see again that there are so many different types of families and so many ways that they function. This was backed up by our next lecture about function vs. structure. Structure definitely isn't everything.
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