Hi everybody, I am looking forward to this genogram project. I have been thinking about my immediate and extended families this past week. When you reach beyond the who and look at the relationships and the whys of them, it can make a person dizzy. When my brothers were young, I remember them complaining to mom that Dad did not spead much time with them. He wasn't able to go to their games, etc. My mother told them that dad was doing the best he could. He worked an hour away from our home town as a carpenter and did odd jobs in the evening to keep his family of 8 fed, clothed and sheltered. "When you become a father remember this and do better for your family." The boys did. They made time for their kids, to make sure there is a relationship there. In talking to my grandmother (dad's mom), I found that my dad had actually done better than his father did. Children were to be seen and not heard when my dad was growing up. Every evening when we sat down for dinner, dad was there listening and asking questions. This did not happen at the table he grew up at.
My husband is a therapist and we talked about the role of the genogram in his practice. This tool is an important one. It helps him to make sense of the family dynamics and it can help people better understand the processes that have gone off kilter and how it affects the generations that have followed. Once you can see where change needs to take place, a person can start working on them and making things better. This a good thing for a future therapist to know and understand. Have a great day. Rhonda Brown
1 comment:
My father’s family situation was a lot like your fathers. Growing up his parents were never there for him or his siblings, they pretty much raised themselves. His parents weren’t affectionate toward each other or the kids at all. They rarely spoke about anything of importance and were just expected to follow the rules. They were never allowed to have friends over and rarely got gifts for their birthdays or Christmas. When my dad and aunt (his sister) talk about their family structure when they were little, it definitely makes me a sad for them. It is crazy to think about my grandparents like that because for me growing up they were the only grandparents that were there for me and my sister. They spoiled my cousins and me and we loved going to grandma’s house when we were “sick”. I question why they spoiled us so much but not their own children, was it because it is a different relationship and the grandchildren go home at the end of the day? Or was it that they realized they didn’t do the best raising of their children and wanted to show their own kids that they could be great parent figure?
My dad ended up being a better father to me and my sister then his dad was to him. But he still is not the affectionate type, but I know that is part of him so I don’t worry about it. I know he loves me and it shows, just in other ways. This genogram project is going to be very interesting, and I hope to learn way more about my family and their issues then I already know. My family isn’t as exciting as some of the other students and that’s why I really want to dig deep to learn more about the issues surrounding my family.
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