conflict resolution

I was thinking about the topic of conflict resolution and how we learn these skills. None of us are born with this skill. Our families are where our lessions start. The family unit is supposed to educate us in the skills that we will need to function in our societies. If we are lucky, we actually will see our parents practice this in front of us, showing us that they can agree to disagree and show us how to compromise in a healthy manner. My folks never fought in front of us, but did insist that we 6 kids work out our differences verbally without yelling and without getting violent physically with each other. The ideal was that everybody came away with something that they wanted or needed. When I married my first husband, I did not realize that the way his family argued would affect our relationship so dramatically. They fought loud and hard. The whole idea was that there was a winner and a loser. I found myself just giving into what he wanted because I could not handle what I now feel was verbal abuse. I would do practically anything just to have peace in the home. When I was contemplating getting married the 2nd time, this was one area in looked into very carefully. I found that he felt like I do, that two people can sit down and discuss things calmly and reasonable with each other and find some middle ground that would work for both of us. Jim (therapist) told me that many times when he works with couples/families that are having problems with conflict resolution he has them act out their last fight in front of him and once he understand their system, then starts to show them why what they are doing is not working for them and teaches them different ways to go about it. It is much like what is said in class, that it is not the content but the process that is screwed up. As a future therapist, I would love to know how to teach teach families these skills. Just think how much better their lives could be and the lives of the generations that follow.